The Inner Critic

The Inner Critic is one of the most familiar and frustrating aspects of our inner world. It's very common, I've never met someone who doesn't have this part, it seems to be universal.

It’s that harsh voice inside us that criticizes, doubts, or belittles our every move. Clients have described it to me as their 'inner demons'. While it may seem like a relentless enemy, in IFS, we view the Inner Critic through a more compassionate lens—as a misunderstood protector part that, despite its harshness, is attempting to help us in its own way.

In this article, we’ll explore the dynamics of the inner critic in IFS, why it often targets vulnerable, child-like parts of us, and how working together in an IFS session can help you unravel this dynamic, resolve its underlying conflicts, and find inner peace.

What Is the Inner Critic in IFS?

In IFS, we understand that our mind is composed of different parts or subpersonalities, each with its own roles, motivations, and goals. The Inner Critic is one such part—a protector part that tries to keep us safe by enforcing high standards, avoiding risks, or preemptively criticizing us before others can.

On the surface, the inner critic seems purely negative, hurling phrases like:

• "You're not good enough."

• "You'll fail, so why even try?"

• "You should have done better."

But when we look deeper, we uncover its true purpose: the inner critic believes that its harshness protects us. It thinks that by pointing out our perceived flaws or shortcomings, it can prevent rejection, failure, or shame. While its intentions may be protective, its approach often causes harm, perpetuating cycles of shame, self-doubt, and paralysis.

Why Does the Inner Critic Target Our Child-Like Parts?

The inner critic often directs its harshness toward the vulnerable, child-like parts of us—those exiled parts that carry feelings of fear, inadequacy, or pain from past experiences. These child-like parts are the younger versions of ourselves who felt small, helpless, or rejected at some point in life.

The critic believes that by targeting these parts, it can "toughen them up" or prevent them from re-experiencing the pain they once endured. For example:

• If a child-like part carries the shame of being criticized for a mistake, the critic might step in to preemptively criticize that part to avoid external judgment.

• If a child-like part feels afraid of vulnerability, the critic might scold it into staying hidden to avoid perceived danger.

Unfortunately, this dynamic often creates a vicious cycle. The inner critic’s attacks deepen the wounds of the vulnerable parts, leading to heightened feelings of inadequacy or shame, which, in turn, triggers the critic to intensify its efforts.

How This Dynamic Harms Us

You can see from the image how ugly and frightening this dynamic is for our internal system. It's horrifying to know that we have this brutal and persistent bullying of our most innocent, young and vulnerable parts. While the inner critic believes it’s helping, its harshness, unsurprisingly, can have significant emotional and psychological consequences:

• Perpetuated Shame: The critic’s harsh words amplify feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt.

• Paralysis and Procrastination: Fear of failure or criticism can lead to avoidance behaviors.

• Disconnection from the Self: The constant internal conflict can make it difficult to access the calm, compassionate state of Self, which is central to healing in IFS.

This dynamic can feel exhausting and overwhelming, leaving you stuck in cycles of self-judgment that seem impossible to escape.

How an IFS Session Can Help You Transform the Inner Critic

In an IFS session with me, we take a compassionate, step-by-step approach to unravel the dynamic between your inner critic and the child-like parts it targets. Here’s how we can work together to transform this relationship:

1. Building a Safe Space for Self-Connection

The first step in our work is creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can begin to connect with your inner world. Together, we’ll focus on accessing your Self—the core part of you that embodies curiosity, compassion, and clarity. From this grounded place, you can approach your inner critic and other parts with understanding rather than resistance.

2. Meeting the Inner Critic with Curiosity

Once you’re anchored in Self, we’ll invite the inner critic to step forward so we can get to know it. Instead of seeing it as an enemy, we’ll approach it as a part with a story to share. Questions we might explore include:

• "What are you trying to protect me from?"

• "How long have you been doing this job?"

• "What would happen if you didn’t criticize me?"

By listening to the critic’s fears and motivations, we often uncover its good intentions. This process can be surprisingly enlightening and may even shift how you feel about the critic, fostering compassion instead of resentment.

3. Identifying the Vulnerable Parts It Targets

With the critic’s cooperation, we’ll begin to explore the vulnerable, child-like parts it has been targeting. These parts often carry burdens—intense emotions or beliefs—that stem from painful experiences in your past. By getting to know these parts, we can help them feel seen and heard, often for the first time.

For example, you might discover a part of you that feels “not good enough” because of a childhood experience of being criticized by a parent or teacher. In our session, we’ll gently work with this part, helping it unburden the painful feelings it has been carrying.

4. Helping the Inner Critic Release Its Role

As the vulnerable parts begin to heal, the inner critic’s need to protect them diminishes. We’ll help the critic see that it no longer has to use harshness to keep you safe. Together, we’ll explore new, healthier roles for the critic, such as becoming a supportive inner coach or cheerleader.

This process transforms the inner critic from a source of pain into an ally, creating a more harmonious internal system.

What You Can Expect After Transforming the Inner Critic

Working with the inner critic in IFS can lead to profound shifts in how you relate to yourself and the world. Here’s what many clients experience:

• Increased Self-Compassion: By healing the inner critic dynamic, you can approach yourself with kindness and understanding, even in challenging moments.

• Greater Emotional Freedom: The burdens of shame and self-doubt lessen, allowing you to embrace opportunities and express yourself more authentically.

• Inner Harmony: The internal conflicts between your critic and child-like parts resolve, creating a sense of peace and alignment.

Why Work With Me?

As a trained IFS practitioner, I bring both expertise and empathy to our sessions. I understand how challenging it can be to face your inner critic, and I am here to guide you every step of the way. My approach is rooted in creating a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your inner world without fear or judgment.

When we work together, you’ll not only gain insight into the dynamics of your inner critic but also experience the transformative power of connecting with your Self. This work is about more than resolving self-judgment—it’s about unlocking your potential for self-acceptance, inner harmony, and personal growth.

Get Started on Your Healing Journey

The inner critic doesn’t have to control your life. Through IFS, you can transform its harshness into support, heal the vulnerable parts it seeks to protect, and experience a new sense of freedom and self-compassion.

If you’re ready to start your healing journey, I invite you to book a session with me. Together, we’ll uncover the roots of your inner critic, resolve its conflicts, and help you move forward with confidence and clarity.

Let’s take the first step toward a kinder, more harmonious inner world—together.